The Accidental Marriage by Roger B. Thomas - Book Review

I was intrigued when I read the description of the new novel published by Ignatius Press, The Accidental Marriage. How would a Catholic publisher cover the subject matter of a man living an actively gay lifestyle, fathering the child of a woman living with her lesbian lover, and they end up raising the child together? I often remarked to my husband that this was going to be a difficult book to review as I read it. Difficult not because the book wasn't a good one, but due to the complexity of the subject matter. I was hoping that the novel wouldn't be heavy-handed on either end of the spectrum of this controversial topic, and I was not disappointed. 

Scott and Megan are friends who enjoy lunch together on occasion. During one of their visits, Megan mentions that her partner wants Megan to have a baby. Scott offers to father a child for the couple and not long after she becomes pregnant, the relationship between Megan and her partner ends. Scott does what comes naturally to him and takes Megan in, marrying her so that she would have medical coverage during the pregnancy. The struggle for each of them to maintain emotional boundaries is palpable. Each of them are so immersed in their sexual lifestyle and identity, they bristle against obvious natural consequences from the situation they've found themselves in. 

There were no preachy moments in the book. It is neither pro, nor anti-gay. The characters are well-developed and likable. I found myself cheering for them, feeling a parental urge to hug them and tell them it would all work out okay in the end. Certainly each of us have struggled with identity, fought against what we knew we longed for and needed. Scott and Megan are no exception.

If you are interested in a book club study/discussion guide for this book, there is one available HERE. 

I give The Accidental Marriage 4 out of 5 stars. 

_______________________________________________________

The Catechism of the Catholic Church on homosexuality:

2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered."They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.
2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.
2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

United States Conference of Catholic Bishops statements on homosexuality are HERE. 

Catholic Answers Tract on homosexuality is HERE. 

Pope Francis stated that same-sex marriage is 'anthropological regression' HERE. 

Cardinal Bergoglio (now Pope Francis) on same-sex marriage HERE. 

  

Choosing a Catholic College

The latest edition of The Newman Guide to Choosing a Catholic College is now available! You may access the guide online HERE.

Who made the cut this year?

Residential Colleges and Universities

Aquinas College (Nashville, Tenn.)

Ave Maria University (Ave Maria, Fla.)

Belmont Abbey College (Belmont, N.C.)

Benedictine College (Atchison, Kan.)

The Catholic University of America (Washington, D.C.)

Christendom College (Front Royal, Va.)

The College of Saint Mary Magdalen (Warner, N.H.)

The College of Saints John Fisher and Thomas More (Fort Worth, Tex.)

DeSales University (Center Valley, Penn.)

Franciscan University of Steubenville (Steubenville, Ohio)

John Paul the Great Catholic University (Escondido, Calif.)

Mount St. Mary’s University (Emmitsburg, Md.)

St. Gregory’s University (Shawnee, Ok.)

Thomas Aquinas College (Santa Paula, Calif.)

The Thomas More College of Liberal Arts (Merrimack, N.H.)

University of Dallas (Irving, Tex.)

University of Mary (Bismarck, N.D.)

University of St. Thomas (Houston, Tex.)

Walsh University (North Canton, Ohio)

Wyoming Catholic College (Lander, Wyo.)

Non-Residential Colleges and Universities

Holy Apostles College (Cromwell, Conn.)

Holy Spirit College (Atlanta, Ga.)

International and Online Institutions

Campion College (Old Toongabbie, Australia)

Catholic Distance University (online)

Ignatius-Angelicum Liberal Studies Program (online)

Our Lady Seat of Wisdom Academy (Barry’s Bay, Ontario, Canada)

Pontifical University of St. Thomas Aquinas (Rome, Italy)

Redeemer Pacific College (Langley, British Columbia, Canada)

First Communion and Drive-by Catholic Parenting

We all know them and maybe you are one yourself. Parents who see that their child is Baptized, and then slowly fade away from Mass. Guilt (or pressure from a grandmother) may make them sign the child up for CCD and then after First Communion, they fade back out again. Bishop Richard Malone of the Diocese of Buffalo addresses this issue that has become more and more visibly prevalent.

You Can Have Broadway, But Make Mine Heaven

Part One

Our family has been on a strange odyssey over the past two years - or maybe more. Our son has always been a high honor roll student (95 average and above) and has slipped academically. He has complained about not liking school more frequently and his grades have dropped in classes that he has always found to be quite easy for him. We've chalked it up to the changes that come with being a teenager preparing for entrance into high school. Our standard for school performance has always been teacher comments. If the teachers say that he is getting work done on time and is doing his best, shows respect in the classroom and actively participates, our requirements as parents have been met. In my heart I've known that he can do much better, but made myself step back and do my best to not add to the pressure he has appeared to be under. When he was younger, we would often get calls from other parents at night. They would want to ask Alex what certain assignments were because their child forgot to write something down or the child could not remember how to do something.

Being in a small Catholic school, staffing can be a problem. Catholic school teachers are quite often paid half the salary they would make at a public school. In fourth grade, he had three different teachers. The first was in over her head with state testing and left after a couple of months if memory serves correctly. The second was there for a few months until a better job came along. The third started just in time to start preparing the children for the state math exams and it became amply clear that no math had been taught by the first two teachers. Our son finally told us that neither of them "liked math so they didn't want to teach it." Our son who had a 97 in math the previous year was suddenly drowning along with most of his classmates. The new teacher, Mrs. A, was a Catholic-in-name-only woman (was so ill-equipped to teach fourth grade religion out of a book, that another teacher had to do it) who had just finished her teaching certification. She was not lacking in enthusiasm, but clearly missing was the same educational standards we have come to expect from previous years. When spring came, our focus was on getting him caught up in math to the best of our ability and that all would be fine next year. Fourth grade would be a wasted year, but survivable. A hiccup.

In fifth grade, we didn't even know who would teach the class until school was about to start. Once again, we were facing staffing changes and were less optimistic due to our experience the previous year. To our relief, Ms. B did a good enough job with the children. Unfortunately, the problem with math the previous year continued on. The majority of the class was still behind and Ms. B sought out the help of a teacher who had a great talent for teaching math. Alex had always received high marks in all classes and was now receiving markedly lower grades in math only. From his perspective, it was his fault and he was unable to do well in the subject. The marking periods that year wavered between honor roll and merit roll. The teacher began making comments to Alex about his need for improved self-esteem. She made no such comments to me and I was uncertain of her professionalism due to her befriending students instead of maintaining a more teacher-student relationship. He had never faced difficulty in education until this point, and his perfectionist tendencies were unshakable. We continued to go with the flow.

In sixth grade, he was blessed to have a religious sister for a teacher. Sister C had a rather dour personality and ran a tight ship, but he excelled in everything except for math. It was our running joke that year with Alex (we had to laugh and try to keep it light) that with a small class of just ten or so children that year, he never got the Student of the Month award. We told him that we'd give him one in July AND August. It just didn't make an iota of difference to us as long as he was doing his best in school. In his mind, he had become a bad kid because his struggle with math continued (when he received extra help, he would be caught up and be doing fine - only to slip back off again) and the only negative comment we ever received was that his locker was disorganized. All other comments indicated a pleasant boy who was respectful to everyone, and did well in all of his classes - except for math. The fact that he never received the dreaded Student of the Month award coupled with his struggles with math began to show up in murmurs among classmates. A couple of girls in particular began to ask him what had happened to him. He used to be good and now he wasn't - at least in their minds. A crack that had been barely visible before began to widen.

In hindsight, seventh and eighth grades blend together in our minds because the same teacher was homeroom teacher for both. Mrs. D requested to be the homeroom teacher for the same class in eighth grade so there was no escaping what turned out to be two years of the attempted dismantling my son, fiber by fiber. I won't separate the two years because year two was just a continuation of year one. Calls from the principal became more prevalent, but to this day I'm not clear as to what the purpose of the calls actually was. Alex's math grade dropped to as low as 76 and rose as high as 90 for a marking period, and the math teacher continued to be the one who had assisted the fifth grade teacher. She had told me herself that math just wasn't Alex's strong suit but I refuse to believe that. I'm not a parent in denial. This is the same kid who can do math facts in his head much more quickly than I can. When I help him with math problems, I struggle to find the way to solve the problem. When I help him unravel the formula, he kicks into high gear and can finish the entire problem quite easily. His confidence was deflated so long ago that he has convinced himself that he cannot do math and never will be able to.

I've digressed. Back to Mrs. D and the calls from the principal, Mr. E. Alex began to talk about a few girls being a real problem in the class. One of the girls had come to the school from another area of the state. Her family lived in a large estate home (compared to the rest of the community) and threw huge parties for their kids. On the girl's birthday one year, a limousine picked up the class. After the first party as a newer student, all parties included the majority of the class being invited except for Alex, and two other children. This girl, F, became a ring leader in the classroom and other girls began to follow her lead. More and more the girls in the class, quite often with F's support and prodding, began to pick at Alex like vultures. Three of the most laughable calls I've received from Mr. E:

• F & G came down to the office and told me that Alex didn't take notes in Social Studies today. When asked, the Mr. E. admitted that Alex's grade is in the upper 90s in SS, does a good job on homework, and is respectful in class. Maybe taking notes isn't helpful to him and his style of learning?
• Alex's locker is messy. I gave him lunch detention after he cleaned out his locker and told him how important organization is (Alex told us that the girls had been complaining about the condition of his locker). I told Mr. E. that Alex has always been disorganized, and as his mother, I can assure him that eating lunch in the office will not change his organizational habits. We've bought every locker storage gadget and binder outfit found in stores and it makes no difference. Our family is more concerned with his behavior at school and the amount of effort he puts into his studies. 
• J, a boy with Asperger's Syndrome, said an inappropriate phrase in class. Alex was sitting next to him. Girl G was sitting next to Alex on the other side and asked what the boy had said. Alex repeated it and G went to the office to report the incident to the principal. J and Alex both were in trouble. Alex shouldn't repeat things J says. So my son is in trouble because the girl knew the boy said something inappropriate, asked Alex to repeat it (the phrase the boy used was 'using the back door') and after Alex repeated it to the girl per her request, she asked Alex if that 'means what I think it means?' and he told her 'yes.' Could you and your snoopervisors possibly waste any more of our time? What is the intention of the snoopervisors who tattle about such nonsense? Is a life in jeopardy? Is the school on fire? Or do they derive pleasure from getting someone into trouble and the principal supports this effort? 

There was an incident with another girl, H, who had attended the same school with Alex since kindergarten. She began telling Alex that he was gay or bi-sexual - she wasn't sure which (he had shared with a couple of classmates that he isn't interested in dating a girl until he is much older) and that she had made a point to tell everyone she came into contact with. He was absolutely crushed and no matter how much he told her it was all a lie, she just increased her effort with joy. I knew that her parents would be extremely upset if they knew about the situation yet Alex begged me to not call and talk to her mother. He was afraid the situation would be made worse. By this point both the seventh and eighth grade troublemakers had joined her effort. I told Alex that I would let him try to handle it himself if he agreed to follow my advice to the letter. He went to school the next day and told her that if he heard one more word, even a whisper of the lies she had been spreading about him, he would pay a visit to our Pastor and call for a meeting with him, the principal, her parents and Alex's parents. The incident died an immediate death and her comment to Alex was that she was "just kidding."

Just in April, he came home and as the evening progressed it was clear that his irritability was increasing. He refused to talk about what was bothering him until I pressed and the boy visibly unraveled. He was inconsolable and his source of irritation was directed at F. and G. and their cronies. F. had told him that day that if he "died, I hope no one goes to your funeral" and "If you were missing, there wouldn't be a search party." Alex also talked on and on about how everyone, including teachers and the principal, hates him at school. He knew he wasn't going to survive at the Catholic high school we had just registered him for. The kids there hated him as well, and that was evidenced by the kids on the track team he was part of. He had clearly lost all objectivity because I knew this just was not the case. He was doing well in every aspect of his life outside of school. All adults who come into contact with him tell me how polite and well-rounded he his. He is frequently requested to serve at special Masses at our parish, his Scoutmaster has great respect for him and he will soon be elected to the national honor society for Boy Scouts, the Order of the Arrow. Even the receptionist at the orthodontist office commented that Alex was so pleasant and how we must be so proud of him. We had never once received any comment from any teacher or the principal about Alex misbehaving in school. At this point the puzzle was coming together, but a major piece was yet to be assembled. Mrs. D was yet to be revealed as the real class bully.

Book Review: "Legacy of Love" by Kimberly Hahn

"She hath opened her mouth to wisdom, and the law of clemency is on her tongue. She hath looked well to the paths of her house, and hath not eaten her bread idle. Her children rose up, and called her blessed: her husband, and he praised her. Many daughters have gathered together riches: thou hast surpassed them all.  Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: the woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands: and let her works praise her in the gates."-Proverbs 31:26-31

It was a delight to read Legacy of Love: Biblical Wisdom for Parenting Teens and Young Adults by Kimberly Hahn. When I received the book from The Catholic Company for review, I thought that it would probably be a reference book and not one that I would easily read from back to front. I could not have been more wrong.

Softcover, 247 pages, $14.99 

 

Legacy of Love is a book that kept me up at night. I would promise myself to finish just one more chapter, and then the next chapter would draw me in to yet another block of sleepless time. This book is the fourth installment in the Life-Nurturing Love series based on Proverbs 31:10-31 and I believe God had a hand in delivering the copy I needed at this moment in my life. Raising a child of God in our culture requires a firm commitment to the Domestic Church which is lacking in many Catholic households.When our son was born, I was struck with the awesome responsibility we were given in order to raise this child to be a Godly man. Mrs. Hahn's words spoke to me like I was her only intended audience. It was written expressly for me.

In discussing the attitude toward parenting teens, she said "Each child is a gift from God. God is the source of all good gifts -- including our teens. He has the wisdom and knowledge we need to parent our teens with grace, attentive to the child maturing before us." Her words are comforting and reaffirming as those thoughts were already ruminating in my heart. She goes on to point out that how much our attitude toward the teen years -- whether we anticipate disaster or delight -- makes a great difference in our parenting. 

 

In the chapter entitled "Preparing Your Teen for the Love of His Life" I discovered that Mrs. Hahn and I agree on many points in regard to dating. She also offered many things to consider which I had not yet thought of. Helping our children to understand the purpose of dating, and cautioning our children about the recreational attitude of dating in America are both very important. After all, what is the purpose of a child in fifth grade dating? One would hope they wouldn't actually go out on a date, but why have to be paired up at all? Dating is a big risk for our children and it restricts them from having a social life. As Mrs. Hahn points out, "Maturity is necessary for a lasting marriage. Why allow teens to have serious romantic relationships when marriage is unlikely for years?"  Indeed! If your children believe they may have a vocation for the married life, why encourage them to shop for a mate like they were shopping for clothing? Don't we all know kids who 'try on' a 'girlfriend' or 'boyfriend' only to decide they don't fit after a few days?

This lovely book is divided into six distinct parts, each based on a portion of Proverbs 31. Quotes from Scripture and Church teachings are found on every page, providing much needed guidance for any Christian mother. Readers will learn how to cope with teens and set boundaries, nurture your teen's soul, encourage older teens and young adults as they navigate healthy dating and courtship, and becoming an in-law and grandparent. The message I was left with is that I am not raising my child; I am raising God's child. How my husband and I raise this gift from God can make a lasting impact within our society. The way we raise our children has the ability to firmly mark our world with God's image, reflected in our children and their future families. 

I do not casually recommend books and if you look at past reviews, I have offered less than a glowing review for more than one book I've received. This book is a winner and a must have for every mother who is determined to raise Godly children. It would be a excellent resource for a parish parenting group!

P.S. I typically donate books I receive for review to our parish library so that many others can benefit from good Catholic books. I may be a bit more selfish and keep this gem on my own bookshelf.

UPDATED: On Parental Priorities: Planned Parenthood & Popularity

Since this story was first posted, a positive ending has developed.... This is a lesson for all parents and educators.  Read on...

It's a good thing my family loves me. I'm not feeling a whole lot of love these days. As I was planning to write my third and final installment in the On Parental Priorities series, I received a permission slip from our son's school. I had already outlined my thoughts focusing on the failure of the Domestic Church in regard to the catechization of our children, and how this is affecting our Catholic Schools. The slip I was expected to sign brought the intended topic to a boil for me so I put it aside for a week or so.

The beginning of the story is probably best expressed in another entry from a year ago I called On Blood Pressure, Edmund Burke and the Domestic Church (opens in a new window/tab). You'll follow along better if you read that entry first. Just do it and I'll be right back.

Now, about that permission slip. Once again, seventh and eighth graders throughout our county were invited to a "Youth Leadership Conference" and the sponsors are as follows:

1. Our county Youth Bureau
2. Our city's Youth Bureau
3. Our local community college (they provide the location for the event)
4. Our local YMCA 
5. Planned Parenthood

I made my displeasure fury about the situation known last year. It was received with a confused expression, and the wordless message I received back was that I had lost my mind. How could I possibly be upset over Planned Parenthood's sponsorship of a conference my son was to intend? (I am purposely leaving bits of the story out to protect certain ignorant individuals involved. Yes, I said ignorant.) I felt called to instruct the ignorant, I did, and here I am. Once again, I'm a crazy person who cannot understand why a Catholic school will send their students to a conference sponsored by Planned Parenthood. There are two Catholic schools in our county and both participate. There, I said it. It is now stamped forever in some cyber-cache. So sue me.  

This year, my approach was different. I simply sent an e-mail stating that our son would not attend anything that was sponsored by Planned Parenthood, and that like last year, we would attend Mass and engage in works of mercy instead. I didn't receive a reply and didn't expect to. There wasn't really anything to say. Another parent called me to discuss transportation to the conference. I told her that a conference sponsored by Planned Parenthood went against everything our family believes and she thanked me for the reminder. She had forgotten they were a sponsor. Then she went to visit a friend at the youth bureau and that friend assured her that Planned Parenthood hasn't made a presentation at the event in the past few years due to parental concerns. I corrected the parent by sending her a news link to the event where the presentation and presenter were both plainly mentioned last year. A couple of other parents contacted me after they questioned the involvement of Planned Parenthood in the conference. They had both heard through 'the grapevine' that I refused to sign the permission slip. Unlike me, they received a reply via e-mail. They were told that our children were going to be kept away from Planned Parenthood leaders and that the teachers were to make certain that the students did not attend any presentations offered by Planned Parenthood. 

Condom lollipops - creepy handouts from Planned Parenthood in Rochester, NY 

One father of a younger student shared that word substitution would better illustrate the absurdity of our attendance at the event. Substitute Planned Parenthood with KKK, Convicted Sex Offenders, North American Man Boy Love Association, Nazi Party, Adolph Hitler, and it would be more clear that our participation was preposterous. Maybe. The bottom line in this situation is simple: everyone else is doing it! I admit that I did have a glimmer of hope that some sort of Divine intervention or spiritual enlightenment would take place. I've now lost hope in this situation. I'll have to wait for the conference to be highlighted in the newspaper again, with our kids on the front page in their uniforms at an event sponsored by Planned Parenthood. All of this so that they can learn yoga, how to get along with others, and other Obama-like niceties. Yes, I am completely void of any charitable words, and to say that I am in the desert over Lent is an understatement. 

In addition to contacting responsible parties at our school, I also wrote another letter to the editor of our local newspaper. I am hoping that the reason I didn't receive a call for verification was due to the overwhelming length of it. They do suggest between 250-400 words and my contribution pushed to nearly 600 words. After a week of no confirmation call from the newspaper, I resubmitted a much abbreviated version at 250 words. Now I wait for the call and hope the letter is printed prior to the event.  My original, longer version is as follows:

If you live in Genesee County and have a child in 7th or 8th grade, you most likely received a permission slip for the annual Youth Leadership Conference to be held at GCC on March 13, 2012. Once again, Planned Parenthood is listed as a partner of the program. Few parents question their presence in a conference intended for 12-14 year old kids; most signed the permission slip without a second thought.  

Last year, a Planned Parenthood representative offered a presentation at the same conference based upon a quote attributed to the18th century philosopher Edmund Burke, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." On their own website, they describe themselves this way: "Planned Parenthood is the nation’s leading sexual and reproductive health care provider and advocate." Strange how a sexual and reproductive service advocate is teaching our children about good and evil, don't you think? Why would they want to be affiliated with a group of young teens? They are simply grooming future customers.

Planned Parenthood's foundress, Margaret Sanger, was a proponent of eugenics. She believed the purpose of promoting birth control was "to create a race of thoroughbreds," as she wrote in the Birth Control Review, Nov. 1921. Today, Planned Parenthood receives over 300 million taxpayer dollars per year. Your son or daughter cannot be given an aspirin without your written consent at school, yet Planned Parenthood can market sexual information and services to your child, and you can do nothing about it. It is a private matter between Planned Parenthood and your child. They provide over 1,000,000 "emergency contraceptive kits" to girls every year following unprotected sexual relations. To guarantee a failed pregnancy should one have taken place, they give the girl hormone pills that are 50 times the dosage of an average birth control pill. According to their own numbers, 11% of their healthcare clients receive abortion services. They also report providing "education" to over one million clients a year. They want to parent your children because to them, it is clear that you are not up to the task.

They recently launched a major campaign against the Susan G. Komen foundation when SGK decided to withhold future funding to certain Planned Parenthood facilities that were under Federal investigation. Planned Parenthood reacted with an all-out assault against SGK, and reportedly received much more in donations in just two days than the $680,000 they stood to lose. Mayor Bloomberg led the charge by offering a matching grant of $250,000 of his own money to Planned Parenthood. SGK's website was hacked, the organization was verbally assaulted and bullied, and their top official was pressured to resign. With their funding from SGK restored, now Planned Parenthood has directed its full attention on the Catholic Church and all who stand in the way of providing free contraceptives and "emergency birth control" to all Americans. Instead of recognizing the HHS mandate as attack on religious liberty, they accuse people with moral convictions of being "Anti-choice extremists" who "do everything they can to prevent women and men from taking charge of their lives." 

If you have children, please be a parent to them. Talk with them about what issues are important to your family, teach them what values are crucial to you, and give them a firm foundation on which to grow into adulthood. Know the intentions of people and organizations who want to serve as a mentor to your children. I've provided you with quotes from Planned Parenthood, and I'll leave you with one last to consider.

"A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it." -- G.K. Chesterton
 

If you've read this far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know that God is with my family in this fight, though I do wish more than a few parents (among other individuals) were as outraged as I am. We continue to swim against the stream, though it does seem to be a very lonely crusade. I am so deeply disappointed in my brothers and sisters who are Catholic, yet are clearly CINO. I don't expect the secularists to 'get it,' but when our fellow Catholics miss the boat...

An advertisement on a bench for Planned Parenthood in Vermont
"We're your sexual fantasy - A discreet environment for open-minded questions and answers."

P.S.
*And the former three-part series on parental priorities will actually be a four-part series. Stay tuned.
Part One is HERE, Part Two is HERE

Edited to add: I found this quote posted online. Bishop Mansell was our previous Bishop in the DOB and he put a stop to building of a $4.6 million senior home when the Diocese found out the same builder was building a Planned Parenthood facility.

Most Reverend Henry J. MansellBishop of Buffalo, New York

13 August 2000

"We're not proceeding, because of the contractor's involvement with Planned Parenthood," said Monsignor Henry J. Gugino, head of housing development for the Catholic Diocese of Buffalo, New York. The comment was made as the diocese, at the direction of its bishop, halted construction on a $4.6 million dollar home for seniors in Wheatfield, N.Y., when it found out the contractor was also building offices for Planned Parenthood. Bishop Henry J. Mansell's spokesman, Monsignor David M. Lee, said the bishop and other diocesan officials decided to put the project on hold because of "moral concerns." --SOURCE

March 9, 2012: Special thanks to ProLifeAmerica.com for sharing this post in their ProLife Daily newsfeed.
March 13, 2012: The letter to the editor was published last weekend. Find it HERE. Today is the big day for the Youth Leadership Conference. All are in our prayers. I was able to obtain a description of the program to be presented by Planned Parenthood. The Youth Bureau continued to insist that no representative of Planned Parenthood was making a presentation and they lied. It is right there in their program. They failed to identify the Planned Parenthood employee, thus continuing to pile on the lies. I chose to omit the name of the presenter. I believe that the enemy is the organization, not the people working for it.

Breaking Out of the Box: Are Some "Rules" Made to be Broken?
PRESENTER: T______ A_______

Our society has so many rules for what it means to be a guy or a girl. Music, television, magazines, parents, friends, and even toys give us messages about how we're supposed to act based on our gender! In this workshop, we're going to look at what it means to be a guy or a girl in this culture, what our society TELLS us we're supposed to be, and how assumptions about gender can lead to harassment and relationship violence. This interactive presentation will get you talking, thinking and decoding the real messages you see and hear every day about gender and relationships.

Those darn parents - making rules. Goodness knows what poor Johnny will have to endure if he wasn't given Barbie dolls to play with alongside his blocks. 

For our family, it didn't matter whether Planned Parenthood was going to make a presentation or not. It was simply offensive to have them listed as a sponsor. I suppose that I'm left to question why the Director of Planned Parenthood is on the board at the Youth Bureau. This was their excuse for having Planned Parenthood listed as a sponsor. By the way, the presenter at the conference (she specializes in Rape Crisis Counseling at PP) lists V-Day as one of her affiliations. The Rochester V-Day will be marked by the performances of The Vagina Monologues, a Drag Show, and BRAWL (Broads Regional Arm Wrestling League) - all in the name of ending violence against women. They objectify women and expect to not become objects.  Case in point, these suckers which were sold at an event last year.

Perhaps you are avoiding chocolate during Lent. You can always go to the V-Day website and purchase a vagina ring or necklace. I'm not kidding. I'll spare you the picture - you can click here to see if you're curious. Maybe a vagina warrior knit cap is more to your liking. Any man wearing that would clearly see women for more than their private parts, right?  Of course I'm being sarcastic. The absurdity, lies, and double-talk must be exposed for what it is. I am a woman and I want to be identified as a person made in God's image, with a soul, a mind of my own, interests, pet peeves, and a personality; not by my reproductive organs. And these people want to sponsor a youth conference? Remember - they're only interest is women's health care. Or so they would like you to think.

Vagina shaped suckers being sold with the stated intention of stopping violence against women.
Sure - objectify them, and then teach people to eat female genitalia. Makes sense - to someone I guess.
Picture from their Facebook page

Would you like to hear some good news that has come out of this?  
I was just contacted by another parent and due to a whole lot of research and accumulation of evidence, OUR SCHOOL WILL NEVER AGAIN PARTICIPATE IN THE CONFERENCE. The lies on behalf of the Youth Bureau and/or Planned Parenthood were uncovered.  The moral of the story: whenever you see or hear that Planned Parenthood is sponsoring or presenting anything, run in the other direction and make the biggest noise you can until you get people to listen.  Thanks be to God!
Updated 2/2014: Wait! The good news was only good for one year! It is back!

On Parental Priorities: God or Secularism

In my previous entry, I pondered parental priorities (say that five times fast) and discussed a relatively new creature: The Event Planner. In the past, parents like that were considered child abusers. Consider infamous stage mothers of Hollywood screen legends, for example. Or when an Olympian wearing gold medals would share in a television interview how many months they would train away from families and friends, year after year. Their childhood was non-existent and we were all saddened by the way they were dragged from one training facility to another. Now we are surrounded by Event Planners, and many of us watch television shows highlighting this new phenomenon. The situation of making secular pursuits a priority has grown to epic proportions. Not only can you strip the childhood out of your child, but you can pay a lot of money to have cable television programs reinforce the idea! On the rare occasion when the whole family is together, you all can gather around the television and watch extreme cases of Event Planners that make your family look like the Cleavers. Mmm... popcorn time!

Our society now finds it entertaining to watch parents apply wigs, false teeth, makeup, and evening gowns on little girls so that they can prance around on stage looking like streetwalkers. How about the show featuring small children who are fire and brimstone preachers? A four year old boy mimics his Pentecostal preacher father, and with a microphone in one hand, wipes his brow with a handkerchief in the other. He hops around stage in a suit, shouting into a microphone, as the congregation shouts back to him, "Alleluia! Yes!" The boy makes appearances around the country on news programs and is a big hit on YouTube. He supposedly has the makings of a prophet, so this can't possibly be the same thing... right? There is also a reality show about children with so-called "psychic abilities." Children offer vague descriptions about unseen entities and this is entertainment? The only difference I see between a parent who has each of their children enrolled in 20+ hours a week of extracurricular activities and these reality show superstars, is their choice of activity. Time for cooked meals together at home, prayers and devotions, and quiet time cannot exist if a parent chooses to be an  event planner instead of a parent.

Consider the acronym EGO, or Edging God Out. That is exactly what we are allowing to happen when we let our priorities become tangled in a secular world. I honestly believe that all parents try their absolute best be good parents. Try as they might, more and more of us are failing our children as we slowly edge God out of our lives. Most of us do not set out to push God aside, but sadly that is where He is placed each and every day. Enough about what we have failed to do or have done wrong. Let's look at a new beginning and suggestions on where to start.

1. God is first. By making God your first priority, everything else will follow in your life. Your children cannot come first. If they do, you are making them a god. Put God first. If you are married, your marriage must come second, with God placed at the center of the marriage. Your marriage should be a trinity: God + Wife + Husband, with love binding all three. Children should be our third priority. By making God the first, your marriage the second, and your children the third priority, you will be a much happier person and your entire family will be better for it. Secularism tells us that our children come first before anything. By displacing God, you are failing your children. How do you put God first if you have cast Him aside? After making a good confession, consult God on everything you question in your life. A simple "God, help me!" will do and listen with your heart. Learn the difference between what you want to do and what God wants you to do. He always answers prayers, but not always how we would have hoped. You will fall, but thankfully God is patient.
2. Cut the noise. Instant gratification rules our days and if you have put suggestion number one into place, you are looking for ways to cut out the distractions in your life. Ask yourself the following questions. The answers may vary by due to work, health issues and other situations unique to each family:
1. How many cellphones do you need in your family? Do you need them at all? If you need them, do they need to be on at home? 
2. Does texting replace conversations that could take place over the phone or better yet, in person? Do family members text only out of necessity? If teens are texting, can they invite friends over to the house and socialize in person instead?
3. Do you really need the television? Cable and satellite bills are very high and the quality of television programming is very low. What would happen to your life if you cut the cord? Do you think you would survive without watching the big game or watching the news ticker? Don't worry about how the family would fill the time. Families have lived without television since creation and have managed quite well. Netflix (only $7.99/month) and a DVD player allow for family entertainment but put you in charge of what material is allowed into your home. 
4. Do you have "God time" programmed into your day other than bedtime prayers? Do you attend parish-sponsored devotions as a family? 
5. Do you make it a priority to have a set number of meals together as a family as frequently as possible? Are there activities or distractions that are unimportant standing in the way of family meal time? Is the phone turned off during meal time? Does every family member have an opportunity to share and discuss their day?
6. Is time spent playing video games and on the computer limited for adults and children? Does your family sit around with varying electronic devices in the evening, ignoring one another? Does time spent on all electronic devices get in the way of "God time" and family time?
7. Does your family spend time outdoors exploring God's creation? Is outdoor time mostly spent traveling from one activity to another and on the sidelines at games? 
3. Be a parent. Being a friend to your child can come after they leave your home. While they remain in your care, they need a parent who puts God first. Don't be afraid to say no. Children need boundaries, though they may not always agree. Just because all of the kids are "doing it" doesn't mean that a parent who puts God first would let their children "do it" - no matter what the "it" is. Having a "boyfriend" at eleven years old may seem cute and harmless to many. If you consider for a moment that dating and having boyfriends as being a preparation for marriage, maybe they would reconsider. Parenting is not a popularity contest. If you want to be popular, you've clearly not put God first.
4. Educate your children. Don't blame the school or religious education program if your child doesn't know what you think he or she should know. Blame yourself instead! I'm not proposing homeschooling your children, but if you are up to the challenge, certainly consider the option. If you are Catholic, send your kids to a Catholic school. Can't afford it? Don't kid yourself. If you put God first, all of the material goods have been removed from their place of worship. Offer to volunteer at the school, and plead with the principal and Parish Pastor for assistance. Eat home more. Drive older cars. Make your coffee at home. Live within your means. Make sacrifices to send your kids to Catholic school. If there is no Catholic school in your area, find a private school that reinforces your family values. No school is perfect, but if you put God first, why would you send your kids to an institution that forbids even the mere mention of God?

I did not include my note on education last because it is least important. To the contrary, it was the topic of education that prompted me to make these entries on parental priorities. You see, our little Catholic school that has existed for 130 years is teetering on the brink of closing. The reasons for this situation are numerous, but I believe the main reason behind it is the failure of many parents to put God first. More on that in my next and final entry in the three-part series. 

On Parental Priorities: The Event Planner

If you were to ask parents what their number one priority in life is, all would answer "my children." Who would admit to anything else? If you were to ask those same parents what hopes they have for their children, they would include health, success (whatever that means), and happiness, among other things. Parents can sometimes have peculiar ways of attempting to secure those hopes for their children.

Is it just me or is there peer-pressure among parents to have every child involved in year-round sports, travel leagues in addition to local teams, spend countless hours per week learning karate, dance or another activity every week? I suspect this is because the parents are concerned about their children becoming couch potatoes. Are the kids or families any better because of it? Some kids who are bounced from one activity to another on a daily basis seem to enjoy life and have fun doing what they do. Other kids offer a vacant stare when I casually ask them if they are enjoying their 20+ hours per week in extracurricular pursuits. I almost asked a parent whose sole focus seemed to be on their disrespectful son's sporting prowess if they realized he was more likely to be hit by lightning than be a professional athlete. Thankfully, I held my tongue.

Now I will offer a quasi-fictional scenario based upon several encounters with other parents and their children. 

"Mary, did you have fun at your piano lesson and jazz dance class this morning?"

"Yeah, they were okay."

"Maybe you can play piano for us later and show us what you've learned. It's been a long time since I've played the piano. You can probably teach me a thing or two!"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. H. After lunch Mom is picking me up because I have an indoor soccer tournament from three o'clock until nine."

"Oh, well maybe you can come over tomorrow and hang out with Suzie after church. She's been wanting to show you the bracelet kit she got for Christmas."

"I'll have to ask my mom. I don't know if I'll have time because I have a riding lesson sometime in the afternoon, I think. Maybe we can have a sleepover next weekend because it's a long weekend and Suzie can spend the night on Sunday! Is that okay?"

"I'll talk to your mom about it when she gets here. Sounds good to me!"

After lunch, Mary's mom arrives to pick her up and thanks me. Then she asks, "What is Johnny going to do now that baseball is over?"

"Well, he's pretty busy with school activities and is in Boy Scouts. He'll be busy enough until Basketball season comes along." I consider my sudden impulse to run out and sign Johnny up for several activities in order to fill in perceived blank spots in our planner. Then I reconsider.

With a puzzled look, she offers a polite smile and presses Mary to gather her things so that they won't be late to the soccer tournament. On their way out door, Mary asks if she and Suzie can have a sleep over next Sunday. Her mom said, "We'll see. I have to get your brother to indoor lacrosse sign-ups on the way home from karate and have no idea how long that is going to take." With a wave and a "Thanks again!" they're out of the driveway and off to their next event.

I was a kid in the 1970's and of course our parents considered us to be their number one priority just as parents do today.  There was also something more, something beyond the fact that just a generation or two ago "kids could be kids." What is missing today? Is it because most households have both parents working outside of the home? Do you think it may be because God is non-existent in most households today? Are parents trying to compensate their children out of guilt? Is it a competition to out-do other parents? Do they honestly think that Johnny and Suzie will be better because they had a childhood with no idle moments?

My next entry will continue to look at parental priorities and in particular, secular influences on them.

*Part Two is HERE and Part Three is HERE.